I woke up this morning after a horrible dream…I was in someone’s wallet!
After a movie-filled weekend, I’ve seen a fair share of crap. I went in expecting them to be crap though. I mean, if I can honestly say that my favorite from the bunch is Knowing, then what does that tell you?
Friday: Bangkok Dangerous & the first twenty-three minutes of Knowing.
Saturday: Knowing (minus 23 minutes), Crank, and Crank 2: High Voltage.
Sunday: TBD, but hopefully better than the action junk I watched this weekend.
Watching Bangkok Dangerous made me want to buy a gun. That way, when it was over, I could shoot myself in the frontal lobe and never experience that movie again.
Knowing was based on an interesting premise. The world was coming to an end as predicted by a girl in grade school, fifty years earlier. It was up to short-haired Nick Cage (who I really don’t have any bee with) to try and prevent these disasters (fail) and ultimately let his son (spoiler alert) travel to space with another girl (the grand daughter of the grade-school prophet) and four aliens disguised as old men. I don’t know what was more inappropriate – Nick getting in bed with his son, or four presumably intelligent life forms leaving the repopulation of Earth up to a bunch of ten year-olds.
Crank was enjoyable because Jason Statham is a bad ass, but then they (producers, directors and key grips) had to go and make a sequel. During the second film, Jason had to keep his fake heart bearing by “charging” it with a variety of electric currents, ranging from car batteries, tasers and transformers (not like Optimus Prime) to friction…which couldn’t power a prosthetic heart for a fraction of the length of that awful and unconvincing scene in which they (now actors, too) try and convince us that it can.
Tomorrow, I have several on the lineup, but I also have chuuch (not a spelling error), a couple hours of work and football.
Back to my dream…for TV actors, the appeal associated with a role on a long running series would be the steady work, and in films, the paycheck and fame from scoring a major role in a summer blockbuster are the draw, but there’s one thing I haven’t figured out.
And, if I were an actor, this is one part I could never take.
Being the smiling face for a photograph in a prop wallet shot – for either TV or a movie.
Maybe even worse than being a corpse in a Steven Segal flick, because you would get less screen time, and not even (really) be in the movie.
