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Below you will find my weblog, or just blog. The name may not strike you right away, but you'll get it after I ask you one question: How many letters are there in the alphabet?

I use these twenty−six letters to share moments I experience, thoughts I come upon or ideas I have that I don't feel like keeping to myself. Writing them gives me the ability to share with you.

Maybe you'll laugh, maybe you'll swallow hard, maybe you will learn something about me that you didn't previous know, or maybe you'll relate the words below to something in your own experiences. You may even know the subjects I allude to between the paragraph tags.

So much that I will often write without proofing. If I offend you, it is nothing personal, simply my opinion. I'll complain about things that bother me, things I find offensive and just random thoughts I hold onto long enought to transfer to my blog.

The only thing you need know is that I love to write.


Archive for the ‘Items to Ponder’ Category

John Mayer Says “N” Word

Friday, February 19th, 2010

So, I read John Mayer’s interview in Playboy. I read it for several reasons; none of which had to do with it being sandwiched between numerous pages of naked women. Besides, my subscription ended in October. I read it free, (and boob-free), online.

I heard about it because of the coverage and controversy it amassed. I read it because I like his music and was curious what he actually said to garner so much negative attention.

By the way, if you haven’t heard about it, or read it, he spoke about some unnecessary details related to his sex life, (name-dropping one particular ex-XX) and was clearly not playing the part of “the guy who sang Daughters“.

Side note: Personally, with the exception of my significant other[1], I could care less about anyone else’s sex life.

I read it with an open mind, because like most of what’s now considered “newsworthy”, you can’t sum up an interview into a 140-character tweet, (i.e. my title).

He said quite a few things that I don’t thing he should have. He said them in a candid way that would offend most people – simply because of the language he used and how forward he was. Most of the words he used didn’t bother me; however, one word did.

I don’t think he intended to use the word in a negative way. It doesn’t matter. Just the fact that he used it bothered me.

It wasn’t my fondest celebrity interview in Playboy, but I did appreciate one thing, and just one thing.

He was honest. That has to count for something, right?

If you would like to read the interview, feel free. Here it is (SFW).

[1] Now accepting applications.

Grandfather Claws

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Your parents’ parents are capable of quirks we all can relate to. Birthday checks, being just one of many. Twelve dollars here, nineteen there – maybe a seven or eight dollar check early on in your aging.

Whatever the reason, it’s always a mystery as to how much you’re actually going to get.

The occasional passed-along incentive disguised as a spontaneous gift they received for renewing a membership, transferring a balance, or “calling now to take advantage of this special offer”, usually with “combo” somewhere in the product’s name.

I don’t understand why grandparents write birthday checks for random amounts, or pass along gifts they don’t realize are impractical until they arrive four to six weeks later, (for S&H only), or my favorite and reason for writing, why they rename their dead pet’s successor(s) after their dead pet.

My grandparents had several different dogs…named Mickey.

Twelve to One

Sunday, January 10th, 2010

I woke up on last year’s first feeling refreshed, because I won the fight I was in the night before [with a bottle of NyQuil].

My last [KC] New Year’s was spent with some of my closest friends, and sixteen days later I put 735 miles in between myself and most of those individuals. We did have a pretty epic going away party (several).

I lost a handful of other friends, rather acquaintances, between there and here, and even more between January 17th and yesterday.

Several other friendships were strengthened – my night and weekend minutes are proof of that.

So, what else did I realize between one-seventeen and one-one?

  1. You can’t put a price on friendship, but when there are zero direct flights between the city you live in and the city they do, maintaining friendships becomes quite pricey. Worth it.
  2. Shit happens. It did to me this year, to excess; but, in between those moments, I managed to meet some good people and have some good times.
  3. The people you grow up closest to are more susceptible to the unstoppable expansion of space and time.
  4. The key to self-preservation lies in listening more, talking less and knowing when to walk away.
  5. When I get stressed, my stomach takes the blame – my appetite waves goodbye, my nights get longer and my pillows fill the emptiness.
  6. I cannot lose at the alphabet game.

It’s only the tenth and it’s already been quite a year. A lot of firsts…had Whataburger and Jack in the box, meh. Listened to Insane Clown Posse, still not a fan. Won twice at foosball, that’s right. Wore a t-shirt on January 1st, nice. Saw an ad for “awesome restrooms”, false. And, I will be getting my wisdom teeth removed soon, so I have four less dents to brosse.

Here’s to the best one yet, and hopefully many more.

Call Waiting Policy

Monday, November 2nd, 2009

You just received ten digits and her name, either on a piece of paper, your hand, a napkin, or the post-1999 method – directly into your phone.

The known: You are going to call. The unknown: Everything else.

How long dost thou wait to call? Two weeks? Three days? Four hours? Five minutes?

If you answered five minutes then you should get accustomed to disappointment.

I agree that life is too short to ponder ‘what-if?’, so if I let an hour pass by after you pass by without approaching, then I’m either too shy, or taken. That said, I also respect the call waiting policy and if she didn’t ask for your number, then it is your responsibility to interpret her CWP.

Ninety-nine percent of the time, if you disrespect her CWP and call too soon, you’ll end up auditing your phone’s contacts a year later, wondering, “Who the hell is Vanessa?”* – don’t let this happen to you.

*If adult drinks are involved, then it may help to include a note or nickname to differentiate her from everyone else in your phone. Here are some commonly utilized strategies:

  1. Save her ‘Last Name’ in your contacts as the establishment or location of the close encounter of the first time.
  2. Save her ‘Last Name’ in your contacts as an exceptional feature you immediately recognize and don’t plan to forget.
  3. Save her ‘Last Name’ in your contacts as an instruction, such as ‘Call Tuesday’. Obey that rule, or on Saturday, when she screens your premature call, she’ll set your ‘Last Name’ equal to ‘DNA’ (Do Not Answer).
  4. Reduce your intake of alcohol and get to know her. Then, record her ‘Last Name’ in your contacts as her actual last name.

Unfortunately, I can’t tell you the accepted amount of waiting your call policy requires.

In general, don’t rush it, but don’t wait too long.

Wait Four Months

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Doing it in a line sucks, but doing it out of line can suck just as bad. I’m talking of course, about waiting.

I do it quite often when I write, but that is because an elipsis sometimes make the word right after so much more…meaningful.

I forgot how much I enjoy exercise. Not just lifting weights, but running, biking, swimming, playing volleyball, even being able to take my cat outside to stare in amazement (both of us) at the courageous families of deer in my complex.

If you love something, try living without it fo[u]r months for. Either length of time can be equally depressing.

Here’s to the elipsis that exists between “now” and “then” and literally having no control over it.

Cheers…

I Love These Eight Es

Thursday, August 20th, 2009

1. Eggs
Breakfast [food] for any meal is thoroughly enjoyable; however, one of my favorite snack foods is a hard-boiled egg with salt and/or ranch dressing.

2. Exiting
Either I’ve done my job for the day, or I’m on an important errand, or even leaving on a jetplane. Whatever the case may be, I love the feeling I get when I leave.

It’s an unexplainable (which is what I’m trying to do) combination of completion and (for lack of a more appropriate word) happiness.

A new memory and the end of something I survived.

3. Escargot
A small, slow-moving and delicious food: snails. Another favorite that falls in the same category of slow (but, by no means small) foods: beef.

4. Extroverts
In the last week, I’ve made connections with two new family members – my dad’s cousin and his niece. Not even sure how the relations pan out at that level, but they’re in the family tree somewhere.

5. Evenings
Dinner time houses the most relaxing meal of the day. I don’t have to go to work after and there’s usually more food and more time to eat.

6. Embers
The slowly-fading light on the tip of a candle wick as the flame escapes existence. It’s calming and inviting to the night.

7. Expensing
If an employer reads number seven, I hope they choose to continue on through the nine-letter deduction following it.

There’s a sense of accomplishment that goes hand-in-hand with the responsibility of being able to expense expenses. You are getting reimbursed for the revenue (and hopefully profit) your hard work generates.

8. Eight
This one’s for me…

Protected: Never Bike Faster Than Your Guardian Angel Can Fly

Friday, July 24th, 2009

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Cut Your Budget

Monday, February 9th, 2009

Think you’re wasting money on crap you don’t need? That’s because you probably are.

Save your fun budget…here are some areas you can evaluate to stimulate [the amount of] change [you have in your pocket]:

Alcohol.
Yes, you drink. The first step is acceptance. Support the High Life and toast with the Champagne of Beers.

Don’t wear that.
Yes, you’re afflicted with the un-explained phenomenon of purchasing foil-printed, over-priced t-shirts; but, that’s not the worst part…you actually wear them, too. Stop now…you’re not a cage fighter and your arms only look big because that is a smedium.

Save paper.
While I do believe in recycling…I’m referring to the paper clippings called coupons that one can collect from a couple hours of cutting up a Sunday paper.

Eat at home.
There’s no need to get all dressed up and go to the Olive Garden. Even if we were not in a recession, I would still give you trouble for dressing up to go there. Either way…spending money on groceries is much more efficient than always eating out. Even if they do have bottomless breadsticks and salad.

Cancel.
Reduce your subscriptions to magazines you do read, TV programs you will watch, credit cards that you won’t overspend and gym memberships you’ll actually use.

To those that do use the gym membership: the endorphins your body releases during and after your workout will bring the corners of your mouth up, even while your IRA drops.

Oh, ya…and read more of my blog. It’s free and healthy for you.

Rug Spray

Tuesday, January 1st, 2008

Three-hundred plus sixty-five and call it another one you survived. Pat yourself on the back, it was a big one. What did you accomplish?

You aged. There was a birthday somewhere in there and you became a year older than last time it happened.

You learned. Probably a few life lessons, some tips, tricks and perhaps even something you’d rather not know.

You hesitated.

You waited too long to take advantage of something. Not necessarily something big, or even something you’ll remember, but nonetheless it happened.

You said goodbye. The most common method is the wave. Maybe your’s took another form; a hug, a hand squeeze, a smile. Maybe it was a combination pizza all of the above. Maybe your goodbye had more toppings.

You felt pain. Perhaps it was related to the goodbye, a sibling, a splinter, or a stubborn hangnail.

You were missed. Maybe they missed you really badly. Maybe they barely missed you…like with a spitball, or a shoe. Whether they told you, or not – you were.

You laughed. Hopefully not at me, but maybe because of me, (which is a good thing).

You remembered. You made a memory, you erased one and you probably replaced an old frayed one.

You left something unfinished. Like a thought…

You did a whole lot more. More than I care to continue writing about, because this could turn into something really, really long.

Spray away
Spray and repeat.

Folded Cookies

Saturday, December 22nd, 2007

It has been at least two months since I have had Chinese food and twice that long since I read the tiny sheet of paper within the always-present fortune cookie. Last Friday I broke the cookie in half to reveal my fate.

“You are going to take a vacation.”

That fortune really delved into the heart of what is in store for me. Has the creativeness been bled from the fortune-cookie writers association? Or, or are they on strike, too?

Speaking of…I’m sick of the current lack of good TV. Reality TV does not even create the chimera of it being un-scripted, at least for me.

I hope the next time you unfold a cookie, you find more than I did. However, beneath the pious remarks, the fortune was accurate. I’m going back to enjoying my vacation.