T-shirts can be great conversation starters. I own several that I wear regularly for that purpose. I wish I had the first one on today…

“Quit touching my f*cking screen”

The screen is the single most expensive part of a laptop – do not touch it! If I spend over one thousand dollars on a piece of equipment, I don’t want to have to replace it because you are so eager to point out what you’re talking about. The screen is about thirteen by eight…I’m sure I know what you’re talking about without the visual reference via fingernail poke.

“I am currently idle”

If I’m wearing headphones, typing and working diligently – leave me alone. Interruptions are the leading cause of interruptions. I complete approximately five-percent fewer tasks completed per shoulder tap.

“Save trees – beat the sh!t out of a printer”

Who uses a printer anymore? I can’t believe how many sheets are wasted on printing something that could just as easily be read on-screen. Proofread documents on-screen, review proofs in a PDF, email your application instead of faxing it – quit wasting paper! While I’m on the topic of paper, who still uses checkbooks?

What’s the easiest way to abruptly end a perfect date? Pay with a check. Yeah…you whip that sucker out, you may as well pick your nose during dinner, fart (loudly) and then slap her bottom on the way out of the restaurant, because the designer check with foil accents you just paid with conveys pure loser.

Purchase “I still use checks” and call it a day.