Driving to lunch today, I pulled up to a stoplight and to my right was Herm Edwards! His gangsta lean was so on-point that his gray moustaché pressed firmly against the window of his white Dodge Stratus. I was surprised to see him driving and to see him driving a Dodge Stratus. Most of all, I was surprised that he has obviously secured a job as a district manager after the Chiefs’ poor performance last evening…let’s review.

Our third-string quarterback, Terrell, rushed for more combined yards than our nineteen-million-dollar Johnson. Then, the same QB threw a beautiful interception, spitting distance from our end zone. LJ rushed three times for a whopping twelve yards – no help from our absent offensive line.

However, the oooooo, oooooo, oooooo and fooooour (think Tomahawk Chop…thanks Mike), record for the Chiefs in pre-season is not the most obscene thing I witnessed last night. No, that would have to be the Kolich halftime show sponsored by Quick and Tasty (compared to what?). The show consisted of Kolich’s failed attempt to slug fifteen QT, quarter-pound franks down his throat in under thirty minutes. Disgustingly, he made it through fourteen-and-a-half dogs, but couldn’t quite fit the back half of the last one in.

To: Jeff…

with love and respect.

Cue: gag reflex, Papa K’s mouth instantly turning into a hotdog dispenser and applause mixed with laughter.

I have seen stupider (continue reading)…

Back to life, back to reality. The light turned green and Herm and I parted ways. As I was turning right, through the intersection comes racing a full school bus. I don’t mind if the bus speeds, because I remember it being pretty damn fun when the bus caught a nice bump and the five rows of seats south of the back axle emptied the students occupying them into the air. No, that didn’t bother me. What bothered me was the fact that it was racing through a burned-in red light. That’s like murder in the first (grade)!

Then, I saw a midget, or dwarf, or little person, (I’m not sure what the PC term is, but no offense), jaywalk an unsecured intersection. Really? Your widow’s peak barely tops the average height of a hood ornament and you’re going to brave an unsecured intersection?…at an angle?

Did I just rant? Well, it is probably because I’m mad ’cause the Chiefs lost…(title). Thank you Tech N9ne.